Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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