It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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