totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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