Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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