I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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