idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize