Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
