Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I didn't notice because vodka
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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