he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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