saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
