So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
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