My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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