Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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