She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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