I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
