So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
