if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
