What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
