ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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