I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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