Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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