I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
