I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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