I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
