Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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