i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
