I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
