ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
