Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You have to summon your inner elephant
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
