oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We are all done wearing pants today
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
