Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize