I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
