get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
