Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
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