She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
