Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
