he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
