You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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