whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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