Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize