Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
