I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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