I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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