Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
