It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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