you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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