Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dignity is for republicans.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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