So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
