i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
