Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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