Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
