I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
