this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Did I show you my penis last night?
There r osticjed everywhere
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
