There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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