There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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