i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
