I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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