he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
