if i can run in heels then i can drive
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
