Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize