I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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