Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
