i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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