I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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