I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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