guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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