Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
