My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
