i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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