I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
