I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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