I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
