she woke up with a sticky ear
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
