btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
