Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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