id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
