I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
