Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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