He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
