He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize