How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
