Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
