remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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