my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
