If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
