you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
