K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
