THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need to calm my uterus...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
