So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
