i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
