Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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