she pinky promised me she was 18
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
