The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize