She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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