I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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