Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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