Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i need some magic done to my vagina
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I know her cup size but not her name....
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
