These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
