So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
