Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
