Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
