When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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