The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she peed on how many people?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
