Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
